Axis of Evil: Nickelodeon edition

Warning:

 I am currently standing on my soap box. 

Which is located way up high on my ivory tower.

Tonight I babysat. I genuinely love babysitting and have been blessed to have worked for some wonderful families over the years. Tonight was no different than any other babysitting gig: show up on time, play with the kids in the backyard, feed them dinner, break up a couple of silly sibling arguments, watch some TV, gently force them to brush their teeth, and gently force them to go to bed.

But tonight I had the distinct pleasure of watching the "iParty with VicTORIous: World Premier". I know, I know... you're jealous.  If you're privileged enough to have no clue as to what I'm talking about, I'll start by saying that it was a 90 minute episode combining the Nickelodeon shows iCarly and VicTORIous, which are both, for the record, rated TV- G.

My first thought: "Wow, that little teacher's pet girl from School of Rock sure got pretty..."

My second thought: "Holy cow this laugh track is annoying..."

My thoughts during the remaining 89 minutes: "You have got to be kidding me. This stuff is on Nickelodeon at 8:00 pm? Do they realize how young their audience is? What happened to Figure it Out and all that green slime and those catchy Nick Magazine commercials? Maybe I should change the channel to TV Land. Why is that girl being so sassy to her teacher? I wonder what channel Full House reruns are on...Why are these scantily clad characters drinking out of Solo cups and dancing to rap music at an unsupervised party in a random mansion? WHY ARE THEY LOOKING FOR CLOSETS TO MAKE OUT IN?!?"

The premise for the episode was this: the two leading female characters of iCarly and VicTORIous were unknowingly dating the same guy, and were therefore being "cheated on". Both of them were madly in love with the guy and totally stoked about their approaching three month anniversaries. Halfway through the episode, iCarly realized she was being duped and then formulated a plan to catch him and the VicTORIous girl in the act. Cue ridiculous party scene. Some VicTORIous character had access to Kenan Thompson's (as in Kenan and Kel) mansion, and decided to throw a party there. iCarly and her friends got wind of it via Twitter. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting VicTORIous character (I think her name is Tori...) and the sleezy guy were trying to figure out what closet they would have their "Hundred Day Kiss" in. I have no idea if this is a real life thing that happens between real life 14 year olds, but apparently its some sort of custom to have a really awesome kick butt grandaddy of a kiss at midnight on the hundredth day that you have been dating. Heaven help us all. Meanwhile, iCarly shows up, catches dumbo giving his other girlfriend the same exact charm bracelet using the same exact cheesy lines, she becomes best friends with the VicTORIous chick, and then they both take revenge on him by exposing his unfaithful ways through iCarly's uberfamous video-blog. And then all the kids at the party join together in a choreographed dance and sing some song about being happy.

Call me an old-fashioned prude, but I think a plot like that is a tad bit mature for the 1st, 3rd, and 6th graders I was babysitting.

And I'm not trying to trash anyone's parenting style. If anything, I want to commiserate with them.  Gone are the days when you could flick on a children's TV network at prime time and catch a great episode of Boy Meets World. Or 7th Heaven. Or Smart Guy. Or a Disney Channel "Original Movie". The list goes on. I can't even imagine how hard it is to raise morally sound children amidst this craziness. It kinda stresses me out just thinking about it.

But I think I feel even worse for the pre-teen, tween, and young teenaged girls. I hate the portrayal of "cool" as back-talking to parents and teachers, dressing in teeny tiny outfits with buttloads of makeup, going to random house parties, and having a serious boyfriend to share a Hundred Day Kiss with. All at age 14. Barf.

That's not what being "cool" is all about. 

And the vast majority of 14 year olds do not live a life like that.

And who knows how awful its going to be by the time I have children. The TV shows of the 2030's will probably make "iParty with Victorious" seem as innocent and charming as I Love Lucy.

Bottom line: I am gonna go ahead and buy all the box sets of Full House, Brady Bunch, and Even Stevens that I can...'cause thats all my kids are gonna watch. 

Post title reference: The SNL skit in which Will Farrell imitates George Bush's "Axis of Evil". No , I don't like seeing the  media pick on ol'  Dubya. But yes, I think that 30 seconds of the skit is hilarious.